Very different

 So COVID Christmas Day was discussed and planned with my over 70s vulnerable mum but having a plan didn’t make it better.

A bit of context.... my Dad died in 1989 and although Mum had dated others she never found someone proper to live up to my Dad. 

Since I’ve lived back very locally since 2010 I’ve always had Mum for Christmas, it was family Christmas law, and something I would never not do.

However this year because of COVID her coming for Christmas could’ve put her at risk, and she’s what they describe as vulnerable.

So, we especially made her individual Christmas cheesecakes (our traditional thing) and we made her a full Christmas dinner including treats and delivered it to her, and then we used Facebook and FaceTime later with my sister and her family to stay in touch so she wasn’t alone throughout the day.

But OMG!!!! Have you ever delivered a Christmas dinner to a loved one who is on their own and then knowingly walked away to let them eat it alone..... it’s the most horrible feeling ever..... especially on Christmas Day. In any normal circumstances if you’d have done this you’d be deemed cruel, neglectful or hurtful. This was awful. 

It had not long been cooked so I went home to eat my dinner fresh from the oven with my hubby and felt awful with every mouthful, I felt like I was uncaring, neglectful and..... just horrible. 

Even worse I looked through Facebook later and saw people who’d had their family round, was I wrong???

They had their family Christmas, but I couldn’t bare the thought of her being ill because of me or us... I have teenagers still going as normal to college. In my head I just couldn’t put my mum at risk just for a roast dinner, she means more than that. But then surely she had friends who went to their families too.... am I being cruel or kind.... I genuinely hope she knows I did this because I’d rather be safe than lose her, she’s far more important to me than she’d ever know. This wonderful lady gave me the very best childhood with my dad but in my hour of needing to be looked after (in her 70’s) took me in during my chemotherapy and absolutely doted on me, I absolutely without a doubt had to protect her.

I feel that Christmas hasn’t been a proper Christmas, but on the other hand I’ve done the best I can to protect her.